A poem from a daddy after miscarriage

My husband, Billy, wrote this poem after our first miscarriage with our son, Levi.

Miscarriage is HARD for the moms. But it's hard for the dad's too! I hope this blesses a hurting daddy today.

To Levi
by Billy Bourne

There's no direction for my emotion

I'm confused on what to feel...

A hurt without a name 

But, a hurt I can't conceal.

You’ll never see a day begin

A life without a breath

Innocence that knows no sin

My wife's spirit without rest

I'll never recognize your mother

Behind the smiles of your eye

I know you only by your heartbeat

And by your name - Levi

 Your eyes will never open

 Your hands will never hold

 Your lips will never kiss

 Your story never told

You will never say you love me

I'll never see you wed

I'll never make you pancakes

Or carry you to bed

 I'll never make you laugh

 I'll never let you win

 I'll never pick you up

 I'll never tuck you in

I'll never hold you in my arms

I'll never hear you cry

I'm blind to see your face

There's no answer to the - why?

So I sat down with the lord

And asked him to help me see

Why he would let this happen

Here's what he said to me:

 

Like a son that I've created

Who never knew me while on earth

Eternal separation from me    

Like your son without his birth

 
They will never know my love

Or who I created them to be

Lost forever and unknown

Their true identity a mystery

But, my grace is SO sufficient

Your broken heart I clearly see

But on the day you see my face

You'll see Levi standing next to me

 
I'll be your voice, I'll be your dad

And I'll love and pray for you

Until the day I see the Father

And the first day I see you

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Get Involved and GIVE Today!

I'm so thrilled to announce that we have opened up a GIVING option on our website! Many of you have asked how you can support us, and although there are many ways, now you can support our ministry financially!

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I've never been good at asking for money. Whether it was raising support for a mission trip or asking for help for something else. So although this is a huge stretch for me to open our non-profit up for receiving donations, it's not about me! (I mean, get over myself, right?!) When people are asking how and where they can give... it's time to make it possible! This ministry is something God put on our hearts, and we trust that He'll take care of every financial need. If He wants us to begin or expand a new project, we are confident that He will provide for it!! 

I want to share one of the things that the Lord has put on our hearts at I Am Fruitful. We have a dream that anytime we receive news of a miscarriage or infant loss (and it's truly sad how often this happens), we could send a small but meaningful support package in the mail to the grieving mom or couple. We want to let them know that someone cares, that there's a community of people (YOU) that desires to support them, that they are not alone, and that they WILL get through this! Visions of our support package include a signed letter acknowledging their loss, a small gift, scriptures and resources to help get through the difficult time. And if funding becomes available, we'd love to send them Joy Comes in the Morning: Coloring Through Infant Loss and Miscarriage!

That's just one of the many ways your financial contribution will support couples in a tangible way! 

give today

Thank you for giving today! ANY amount is appreciated! I love the wording of Deuteronomy 16:17 in the Message Version, "each man must bring as much as he can manage, giving generously in response to the blessings of God, your God." Each person should give as they are able, and according to what he has to give. Your gift will help to bring hope and healing to families! 

We don't give in order to receive, of course. However, Billy and I (Lauren) pray a special blessing on each and every gift that is given. The Bible says to give and it will be given to you! We pray that your generosity would be blessed 10 times over and that we would be excellent stewards of each financial contribution received. We're dreamers, my friends! We have big dreams of what we can do, and quite honestly, if God wants to bring those dreams to life, the money will never get in the way! So, if you feel led to give, I pray you are blessed immensely! If you want to support or get involved in other ways, this list will get you going in the right direction:

WAYS TO GET INVOLVED!

• IDEAS: Send us YOUR ideas! We're open to product ideas as well as ideas for how to serve you and this community. Email lauren@iamfruitful.org
• VOLUNTEER: Do you have administrative or graphics skills as well as the free time to offer support? We're looking for volunteers to help with day-to-day tasks! Email lauren@iamfruitful.org
• TESTIMONY: Share your testimony for our "Stories" page HERE!
• CONTENT: We're always open to new content (blog posts, songs, sermons, anything) that might encourage this community! Send it over! Email lauren@iamfruitful.org 
• COLLABORATE: Have an Etsy Shop, small business, or organization and want to work together? We LOVE collaborating, speaking, and teaching!! Click HERE!
• RETREATS: We are looking at retreat locations across the U.S. If you have a summer or rental property that you're willing to let us use, please contact us! (Really, you'll be our best friend) Email lauren@iamfruitful.org
• COLORING BOOK: Coming SOON! If you have a store or business and would like to sell these, let us know! Email lauren@iamfruitful.org
• GIVEAWAYS: Donate a product or service for a Giveaway! We'd be honored to facilitate this! Click HERE!

Thanks again for supporting us financially and getting involved!

*If you are giving an amount larger than $100 please email lauren@iamfruitful.org for instructions on how to give.

Give today!

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Coloring Book Artists

thoughts from a father on miscarriage

I'm so blessed to have a husband who not only supports me in the things I pursue, but who participates with me. Although you may hear more out of me, He's been actively working right alongside me in this ministry from the beginning. He loves the I Am Fruitful Community, he's constantly showing me a new perspective, and his heart for men and couples is inspiring. 

We experienced 3 miscarriages throughout our delayed fertility, and this is one life-changing thing that the Lord showed my husband as we battled with loneliness, difficult questions, and anger towards God. Now, from Billy...

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"I Know How You Feel" - God

If you're like me– you may have read this with a slightly sarcastic tone, or maybe you know it is SUPPOSED to be true but you haven't yet unlocked the mystery of truth that seems to be alluding your thoughts. 

I remember how angry I was when I was digging into the injustice of our 2nd miscarriage.  

I remember sitting down (the way I had historically approached prayer) and taking out the checklist of thoughts I had to build my case against the so called 'goodness' of God. 

Somehow deep down I wanted to be corrected. I wanted to have my perspective change the way He had shown me so many times before. Maybe because my anger blinded me or maybe because I was experiencing emotions on a level I hadn't experienced before, or both; I went in and out of those conversations without an answer and without a response that seemed to help me understand or bring me peace.

At the time I had all but given up trying to understand the how and why of miscarriage...  I had seemingly moved on and chalked it up as "something I just won't understand until I get to heaven," and that's when completely randomly– God downloaded this...

It started with an intense emotion of empathy–  as if I felt and connected with God before I understood fully what He was going to unpack. Then I stumbled onto this scripture.

“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you.”

— Jeremiah 1:5

Then God hit me with this–  "I've had billions of miscarriages."

Wait...  huh???

The idea began to unfold...  He showed me that every time one of His children is born, they have the choice throughout their life of whether to spend eternity with their Father.  They have a choice to spend their life pursuing a relationship with Him or not. When they choose not to, they will be apart from Him for all of eternity. 

He loses them, but they aren't forgotten. 

We think of this verse, talking about the point of conception and even before it, that God the Father had us in mind. He knew us. And so, He also knows our children, even though we never will on this earth. Our children will be apart from us through our time on this earth, but we serve a Father who redeems. His perfect design unites us forever with not only our earthly children, but the children we haven't known.

God can change our perspective in a moment. I want to encourage you to pursue a conversation with Him in faith– that He is good, He understands, and He wants to comfort you...  

He knows how you feel...

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5 Scriptures to Combat Fear of Miscarriage

5 Scriptures to Combat Fear of Miscarriage

Fear of miscarriage is a very real issue. We try for so long to get pregnant, then we finally, finally get that BFP!! And for a very brief moment we're over the moon, on cloud 9, and we're happier than EVER.

Then fear sets in. Fear that we will lose the baby, the connection, the life, the future. But that fear is from the enemy, and you will have to do something about it if you want to enjoy your pregnancy. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It's a complete miracle in itself, and it CAN be enjoyed!! They say pregnant women have a "glow" about them. I have to say that I've never seen a fearful pregnant woman with a glow. The ones at peace have the glow!

So here are 5 scriptures to help you fight that fear and step into a season of peaceful pregnancy!

Philippians 4:6-7 MSG
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Isaiah 43:2-4 MSG
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 MSG
Just as you’ll never understand
the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman,
So you’ll never understand
the mystery at work in all that God does.

Psalm 139:13-18 AMP
For You formed my innermost parts;
You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was being formed in secret,
And intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were appointed for me,
When as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape].
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I could count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

Ps 91:12 NLT
If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.

More scriptures in this post about miscarriage!

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Read the Huckins story below to hear about their loss and Lindsay's major light bulb moment that just might change your perspective on the family God wants to give you.

Huckins

Have you ever considered sharing your testimony? It's a powerful thing and we would love to read yours, then share it for others to be encouraged and filled with hope! Click below to learn more!

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M is for Miscarriage

Back in the fall when I first started Periscope, I did a Fertility A-Z series. When we got to M is for Miscarriage, I shared a little about our own 3 losses. In the first few minutes I share statistics to bring awareness and also explain some of the different types of miscarriages, in case you are not familiar! 

Skip ahead to 7 minutes if you want to get to my story.

If you have experienced a miscarriage, you will be so ridiculously encouraged by something my dad sent me (skip ahead to the 21 minute mark). Ya'll, it's really good.

I also share a list of scriptures that brought me comfort during our time of grief, and I've listed them for you below! Check back soon, because I'll be posting a list of 5 scriptures to combat fear of miscarriage!

• Psalm 23
• Psalm 25
• Deut 20:3-4
• Psalm 9:9-10
• Isaiah 43:18-19

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Find us on INSTAGRAM @i.am.fruitful to receive daily encouragement!

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Share Your Story

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L is for Loss

So many people stay quiet about loss and miscarriage. We want you to know that you're not alone, that we know it's hard, and that you CAN and WILL get through this.

I remember it felt like the breath got knocked out of me when the (not so friendly) tech told me there was only one heartbeat. There were supposed to be two. Twins. Two boys to be exact. And now there was one. And my heart stopped. It was devastating. That was the first of 3 miscarriages, and I keep my story short because I'm writing this for you, not me. This is to help you through your time of loss and tears, and to help you navigate through it.

Here are a few tips (from a girl who's lost 3 precious babies) on how to get through a miscarriage. It's not all-inclusive. But these ideas may help set you in the right direction. There's light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you. Watch the video for the full content.

TIPS TO GET THROUGH MISCARRIAGE

1. Allow yourself to grieve. Miscarriage is downplayed so much in our culture. It's no wonder since we're living in a time and a place where we discard life like kitchen trash. But because loss of life is so completely downplayed by most of the world, we can feel ashamed for grieving (since, after all, "it's no big deal"). It IS a big deal. Grieve. And don't be ashamed. If you're grieving the loss of an infant, my heart breaks for you. Don't rush your grief or put a time frame on it.
2. Get help if you need it! There's NO shame in this! In fact, I commend you, dear friend!
3. Let this struggle bring you closer to your spouse. Communicate! Tell them what you need, specifically.
4. Receive support from friends and family. When they offer, say yes.
5. Don't lose hope in God or your promise!! God is good, and He is faithful!

“Blessed is she who believed that He would fulfill His promise to her.”

— Luke 1:45

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D is for Doubt

When I was in the middle of my fertility crisis, there were days I thought I could conquer the world... days I knew FOR SURE that we would get pregnant. Then, there were days that I felt doubt creep in...days I heard the enemy speaking through my thoughts, "I might never get pregnant," "what if I'm never a mom," "there's something wrong with me."

Well my husband and I decided one day to stop asking for our promises in a half-hearted, doubtful way, and to begin claiming the promises of God instead! We began thanking God in advance for the things we didn't see, and man, was that powerful. Please watch the 5 minute clip below for the original video.

As Thanksgiving approaches, it's a great time to begin thanking the Lord for the things you don't see happening yet, for the things you're trusting God for, for the baby you're hoping for. And, of course, fill your mind with truth and not lies by reading the word of God and tossing negative thoughts as far away as you can. Our thoughts are SO powerful, and can affect your health, emotions, and fertility!!

“When we implant God’s word into our minds through our thinking, we fill our brains with the powerful environmental influence of God’s love, which directly impacts our mental and physical health in a positive direction. Talk about a sound mind!”

— Dr. Caroline Leaf

Anytime doubt begins to creep in, anytime you begin thinking, "what if God doesn't do what He said He would," or "God is good but probably won't pull through for me," remind yourself who God is.

God is faithful. God is Holy. God is your Redeemer. God is merciful. God is your refuge and rock. He's your shield and your strength. God is your help. The Bible says He fights our battles for us. God is the one who comforts you. He's righteous. He's full of compassion. God is GOOD, and He will be good in your situation and your life. Don't doubt who He is or that He will be who He is in YOUR life and YOUR situation.

Say "I am Fruitful!!"