A is for Advice

The "advice" we don't want to hear, that is.

I did a series, Fertility A-Z when I first began doing Periscope videos. The first was A is for Advice, and we talked a little about the bad advice (what I call "badvice"), hurtful things, naïve questions that people ask along this journey to conceive. Well, I want to get into that a little deeper. You can watch the initial video and discussion here. But stick with me here, as we go a little deeper and get into the lies the enemy is trying to get you to believe.

We're actually going to talk about "BADVICE" today. You know, the advice that no one wants to hear when they're trying to conceive. If you have struggled with fertility in any way, you absolutely know what I'm talking about!

There are so many lists like this. They're all over the internet, and all the lists are the same. I remember reading my first one years ago when we were trying to conceive, just nodding my head in complete agreement at all the naïve and hurtful things people have said to me and so many other parents-to-be. Some writers are stinkin' hilarious, some are clearly frustrated and hostile, some just downright angry. They all evoke some kind of emotion, and the lists all include many of the same phrases that we never want to hear.  But here's why this list is different. I'm going to show you the lie the enemy is trying to get you to believe when you hear each of these things. And I'm going to follow it up with the truth. The enemy knows that if he can control your mind, he can control your life. Don't let him. Don't believe the lies he's trying to convince you of. Read God's Word and cling to His truth.

So onto "The Badvice List"

  • Just stop trying, and you'll get pregnant!
    • The lie: You're making too big a deal out of this.
    • The truth: This is important to you, and it's important to God. He gave you this beautiful desire to start a family, to have life in your womb, to raise up Godly human beings who will impact the world and His kingdom. God gave you the desires of your heart. None are small.
  • Relax, and it'll happen! (sounds lovely, right?)
    • The lie: You're too stressed. You're a mess. You're not giving this to God the right way. This is all your fault.
    • The truth: God wants you to rest in HIM. You are not a screw up, you are His precious child and He is pleased with you. He loves you just the way you are and wants you to rest in His presence. If you are stressed, He desires for you to give that all over to Him.
  • You're still young. You have plenty of time.
  • OR You better start trying; your clock is ticking.
    • The lie: It's never going to happen for you. God doesn't know what He's doing, isn't on the right timeline, and doesn't have your best interest at heart.
    • The truth: God cares about you! He wants you to have your expected end. He wants you to have the future that you hope for! God knows how old you are, how many hairs are on your head, how many eggs are left in your body and how many days you have on this earth. He is on your side! God can do anything and is not bound by space or time.
  • Have you tried xyz (some new tea, prenatal yoga, losing 30lbs, paleo, fertility doctors, and the list goes ON)?
    • The lie: You're doing something wrong or not doing enough right. You just haven't tried the right "thing."
    • The truth: Paleo does not create life, IUI does not create life, Red Raspberry Leaf tea does not create life, yoga does not create life,  and propping yourself upside down after sex definitely does not create life. God creates life.
  • Take my kids for a couple days! (The implication is that you might somehow change your mind after a weekend with their kids? The temptation here is to sock them in the face, but please don't)
    • The lie: Kids aren't really what you want. They're too much work. What if you're trying so hard to conceive and then it's not as good as you thought it would be??
    • The truth: Children are a blessing and reward from the Lord. God gave you that desire. Kids ARE what you want. God will provide you the tools you need to be a good mom, the strength you require to get through each sleepless night, and the hope to propel you through each season.
  • At least you can always adopt.
    • The lie: I'll never be a mom. My heart could never change to accept that I won't have a biological child.
    • The truth: God is faithful. He is gentle and kind and compassionate. He is full of grace. He works gently within us and isn't pushy. You can and will be a mom. He makes the barren woman a joyful mother of children.

I sincerely hope you will consider these lies and truths and ask yourself, "What am I believing that isn't true?" and "What does God say about that?" You are a precious child of God. He loves you and wants the best for you! I would love to hear your thoughts! Comment and let me know what "Badvice" or invasive questions you've received and how they made you feel.

Check back soon, because I'm going to share some tips on how you can be prepared when the "badvice" is given.