Secondary Infertility, God, & The Pill
After I had my first baby, my Dr. and I noticed that my body was unable to ovulate and produce a hormone spike even though I'd stopped nursing and was back to being just a "normal" 29 year old gal! We tried a few rounds of clomid to try to get my body to release an egg, and while I was able to ovulate, I was unable to get pregnant. We did this for 3 months with no success, and she decided to send me to a fertility doctor.
When I went to my first appointment, the doctor told me I had a large cyst just hanging out on one of my ovaries and that in order to proceed with treatment (he recommended an IUI), that I'd need to either have the cyst removed or try 1 month of birth control to see if it would help the cyst dissolve on it's own. I was so dumbfounded -- birth control??? I was trying to get pregnant - why would I go on birth control? :) So I told him I'd pray about it (b/c I really "wanted" to have it removed and proceed quickly instead of waiting to see what it would do on it's own).
I had been doing a Bible Reading Plan to read through the Bible in a year. I really needed to hear from God quickly, and I ran home to read my reading for that day. Boy was I bummed that it was in 2 Chronicles and not a more "clear cut" book like Proverbs, Psalms...or anything in the New Testament. Lo and behold, as only God can do, I got a clear word that brought me to tears. In 2 Chronicles, King Hezekiah is trying to bring the people back to the Lord. He sent his messengers to call everyone to the temple to celebrate Passover, which hadn't been celebrated in a long time. No one was "ready," not everyone was cleansed, and it wasn't even the correct time to celebrate Passover, but Hezekiah prayed to God and essentially God gave Hezekiah his blessing for them to come anyways, because God knew Hezekiah's heart!!!!!!!!!!!! But Hezekiah prayed for them, saying, “May the good Lord provide atonement for everyone 19 who prepares his heart to seek God, the Lord God of his fathers, though he is not cleansed according to the purification of the sanctuary.” 20 And the Lord listened to Hezekiah and healed the people. The Holy Spirit was telling me to do what the Dr. recommended because God KNEW my heart -- He KNEW my desire was to become pregnant, and that nothing else mattered because He had heard my prayer. That even though I was doing something that normally "prevented" pregnant, that He could still bless it! I confidently called my Dr. and told him I'd take the pill that month -- no doubts, regrets or second guesses because I had heard from God.
What happened next? I got pregnant -- on the pill -- with my miracle -- no fertility help needed! A brother for my son -- I was aching so badly for him to have a sibling! I still tell him all the time that he is my miracle!
Hey guys- Lauren, here. Ashley is a ball of energy, spunk, and fire for God. I was blessed to be in a small group with her, and I can tell you first hand that she is the life of the party, the girl to have your back, and a genuine sister in Christ... the real deal. I am so excited by this testimony, and here's why. People who struggle with secondary infertility shrink back into the shadows. There's a guilt, a shame that "I already have a baby." My friend, Ashley, said this- "Thanks for encouraging the secondary infertility gals - it can be a confusing and lonely thing to walk through - and I think the enemy silences a lot of ladies that are going through it b/c they feel like other mom's who are waiting for their first baby are in a tougher battle."
So I want to encourage you if you already have a child. Your desire is just as deep, just as important as your firstborn. Yes, your desire to be a bio "mom" is fulfilled. That's true. But there are other factors that come into play. You have a child now, and it's not just about you. It's about your firstborn's future, their entire upbringing, their family for life! It's important, and God gave you the desire to have a family. So my encouragement is this: don't let the enemy convince you that this isn't important. I believe that even women struggling to conceive their first child would say it's important. And truthfully, everyone's situation is different, so your second, like Ashley's, might very well be the "hard" one, the season of struggle. So let's quit playing the comparison game and encourage each other, no matter what our ttc story looks like, no matter how many milligrams of clomid we've consumed, no matter how many IUI's we've lain on the table for, no matter how many "drop offs," no matter how many failed IVF's or cysts or tests or tears or failed adoptions. The journey to building a family is hard for so many. So let's lift each other up!
I'm so proud of Ashley for sharing her story of secondary infertility. Who's brave enough to be next?