Tips for Dealing with (B)advice & Nosy Questions

Does it make it easier that you've been pregnant before? When are you going to have kids? Do you want kids? Are you going to have more kids? My friend adopted and then got pregnant! There are so many questions people ask, statements they make, and horrible advice they give (I call this "badvice"). For some reason, people think they have the right to know these things. We're curious, right? I used to ask these same questions, not in any way realizing what I was doing. I wanted to know!! I wanted to know if they had kids, and if so how many, and if only 1 then why? People WILL ask you these things. Someone will absolutely say something that makes your heart race and brings out the not-so-good in you. Are you prepared? Do you have the words to say, and is your heart aligned with the truth? How will you respond verbally and in your thoughts?

My desire for you is that you will ask yourself and the Lord these questions. He will talk with you! He'll give you direction and wisdom if you just ask.

A few tips to preparing your heart for "Badvice"

1. Control your thoughts.

Luke 1:45 tells us that "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." The Message version puts it this way, "Your true being brims over into words and deeds." Whatever we think about, dwell on, worry about WILL come out of our mouths.

Phil 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

You can change your thoughts, which can actually change your physical brain and body, according to Dr. Caroline Leaf. You can control what you think about!! One quick way to do that is to replace any negative thought with the Word of God! Just open your Bible or your Bible app and start reading and confessing truth. Your thoughts will fall into line with truth, your attitude will adjust, and your words will follow.

2. Have a response ready! Memorize it!

Don't worry, you will not sound like a robot. Get out a pen and paper and write down a few responses to some of these questions. Simply, be prepared. For instance, when someone asks you if you are ever going to start have kids. Instead of angrily telling them, "um, yeah, little do you know, we've been trying for 5 years, have lost babies, and you have NO idea what we've been through," you might try another approach, something more of a confession, something life-producing. "We are believing for children and can't wait to be parents, but it's a very private thing for us." You decide what you say! Make it yours, but be prepared.

You can see the "BADvice List" HERE and use that as reference if you need to. In that list, I also share the lie the enemy is trying to get you to believe (for each question asked). So, decide what you will say in response and what you will believe! If you're prepared, each invasive and nosy question will be a victory for you! .

3. Confess and meditate on Truth.

It's one thing to open your Bible and read or pray. It's another to actually meditate and confess outloud what God says, who He says you are, the things He has for you, His promises, who God is, and the list goes on! There's so much power in that! Have you ever worried about anything? Great!! Then you know how to meditate! Find a great scripture that lifts you up and gives you strength and DWELL on it! Say it outloud. Put it up on your mirror, in your car, on your fridge, and say it outloud every time you see it!

Here are a few to get you started!

  • Psalm 145:18-19 AMP "The Lord is near to all who call on Him, To all who call on Him in truth (without guile). He will fulfill the desire of those who fear and worship Him [with awe-inspired reverence and obedience]; He also will hear their cry and will save them."
  • Psalm 3:3 ESV "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head."
  • Psalm 1:3 ESV "He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season,  and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers."
  • Eph 2:10 NLT " For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
  • Gen 1:28 NLT "Then God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and multiply'..."
  • Prov 31:25NLT " She is clothed with strength and dignity,  and she laughs without fear of the future."

Now, when someone asks you a super invasive and nosy question, when the next person tells you your clock is ticking, when a friend announces she's pregnant... your thoughts will be in line with God's Word. You will have control over your tongue, and what comes out will line up with your heart. Don't forget to say, "I am fruitful!"

Periscope Purpose

Hey guys! Do you know that I share encouragement, almost daily, for couples trying to conceive and dealing with loss? It's uplifting and always God's truth! 

I wanted to share the very first Periscope video I did so you can catch the vision and understand why I began doing this in the first place. Unfortunately, it does not come with comments and hearts, because at that point, I didn't know how to save the videos that way. But the point is, you can catch the vision for this whole project!

I want to personally invite you to join me LIVE. The cool thing is you can comment, ask questions, and get involved in the fertility discussions! If you want to join us, download PERISCOPE for iPhone or Android (or you can watch the daily replay on your Mac or pc at http://www.periscope.tv/laurenbourne). Lots of husbands tune in as well! It's a great way to let your husband in on this piece of your world. I share almost daily, and my aim is to always be encouraging and to always share truth. I remember when I was going through the toughest part of my struggle, I needed encouragement ALL the time! You are not alone!

Daily Encouragement through Infertility and Miscarriage (Periscipe- @LaurenBourne)

C is for Comparison

Playing the comparison game is dangerous, no matter what you're comparing. Your spouse, your possessions, your body, your friends. We all do it.

Everybody compares at some point, but it's dangerous! When you compare yourself to someone else, you're either better than or worse than. Your situation is either better or worse. Or it's harder or easier. There's no in between. It's dangerous because it takes the focus off God and puts it on ourselves. Watch the video below for full content!

Feel free to skip ahead to about 2min 25seconds to skip intros, etc.

One of the dangers of comparing yourself to others (or another's situation) is that you end up in one of two camps: pride or envy. Neither is a good place to be. Try to remember that God has you RIGHT where He wants you. And the grass isn't greener on the other side! It's greener when you accept and embrace who you are in Christ, and you thank Him for what He's done, what He's doing, and what He's going to do in your life!

My challenge to you is this: Thank God for the promise that you don't see yet instead of being ungrateful for the promise that you don't have yet!

If you struggle with comparison, I highly suggest watching this sermon of my pastor, Pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. It's called The Sin of Comparison, and I am confident that this will give you direction and hope as you navigate this tricky battle. You can watch here:

The Sin of Comparison

Be encouraged!! Your breakthrough will come, and you will be stronger on the other side!! Say, "I am fruitful."