His Mercies are New Every Morning
by Amanda Hogue
I remember the days I couldn’t even open my bible before heading out the door to work. The words just blurred together because my eyes were full of tears. My faith had run out. This adoption process was too long. Too hard. Too expensive. And we’d run out of everything; faith, hope, and money. The words of well meaning friends only angered me; “it’ll all work out, and it’ll all be ok. You’ll get your baby when it’s God's will.” Sometimes it didn’t feel like God remembered our pain and loss.
Sometimes my heart would just feel sick with disappointment, when a friend would announce their pregnancy or someone I followed on Instagram would be matched with a expectant mother. It hurt even more when they were announcing for the second or third time since we started trying to grow our family. You know what I’m talking about, it just never seemed to be our turn.
I want to be vulnerable on the other side of this struggle because I’ve gained a lot of perspective since bringing home our daughter. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the loss of control as much as I did through deciding to adopt and waiting to be matched. It was extremely hard to trust God’s control through this process. Making the choice to thrive in the waiting season was a daily choice… but thankfully, “His mercies are new every morning,” Lamentations 3:22-23.
But this is where our faith grows, it’s in choosing to trust God in a hard season of life. It’s so easy to let Fear sneak in the back door and take up residence where Joy usually resides. Self pity usually tags along, and I felt like no one had ever felt this loss or understood my grief. But this is maybe the biggest lie. You aren’t alone in your loss, delayed fertility, failed match or long adoption wait. It’s a choice to center on the faithfulness of God and remind yourself to take your focus off of your circumstances and put them on God.
God knows the birth date of your child. The day, the month and the year. Do not lose hope through the waiting while God is creating exactly what he intended to be.