Don't Rely on Science
While I would never have thought of myself as a women struggling with infertility, the facts seem to say something entirely different. My husband Kam and I got married in college and found ourselves enjoying the married life. We truly were in no rush to have kids. I was completely unaware that having kids did not necessarily follow the ideas in our heads when we were planning the rest of our lives. I think if I would have known to fear the possibility of having children, I probably would have rushed the process.
After 6 years of marriage we came to a place where we both felt peace with me no longer taking birth control. We were saying, “God we are ready this month! But no rush.” As a teenager I had struggled with non-existent cycles. It was never something I missed having, but when it did happen it was always a surprise and I was unprepared. I have lots of fun embarrassing moments that I won't share here. As I watched my friends go through emotional swings every 28 days, I felt a bit blessed. Being a teenager had enough challenges of its own. I never really connected the dots that having a regular cycle was a big deal if you had plans to have babies.
The first month I was off of my pills, I was sure I was pregnant. My mind was immediately making me a bit of a crazy woman from the moment we started this journey. I constantly thought I felt changes in my body that would signal I was pregnant. I quickly did what I am sure most women do and I started spending a small fortune on pregnancy tests. Those little suckers are no joke and as your mind races, you are just sure that you should take another 3 before bed. Or maybe that was just me.
My body immediately went back into the mode it was in as a teenager. I was off the pill and not having cycles. As I lived my life in a very dangerous place, my mind that is, I remembered what I had learned in 7th grade biology. I needed a cycle to get pregnant. Public education at work.
After a year of these super fun mental games (I could of used some truth from “I Am Fruitful”), Mother's Day was quickly approaching and I was even more aware that I was not pregnant. I was also still aware of the pesky cycle that I could not will to happen. The days leading up to Mother's Day I was really filled with hope. I thought it would be so special to take a pregnancy test in the days or even the night before Mother's Day and give it to Kam that Sunday morning. Alas, it did not happen. I couldn't seem to buy two lines on those tests that were quickly becoming my enemy.
That Sunday morning in church, Pastor Robert, our pastor at Gateway took a few minutes to talk about how he had a heart to pray for women that desired to be pregnant. As soon as I realized where he was going, I got nervous. I knew I was about to raise my hand and/or stand up for prayer in this very public room. In a short matter of moments, I also knew that as I stood for this prayer, every person would take note. It would be very obvious in a few months whether or not my prayer had been answered.
After some amazing years at Gateway Church I have been able to take the Strength Finders assessment. I can confidently tell you that faith is not in my top 5, and yet on that day, I knew that when I stood up, my life would be forever changed. My heart raced and Kam held my sweaty hand. Yes, I sweat! Pastor Robert prayed, and about a dozen women stood across the sanctuary.
That night, I knew I needed to take one more pregnancy test. I had become a pro at peeing on a stick, so one would do. I am sure you can guess the outcome to this story. I was pregnant!! I then proceeded to take 2 more tests. I told you about my faith. I needed one test at home, one in my car and one at work. I could not believe it!
My dad had taught me my whole life that God is not subject to time or space. God's faithfulness to me, a simple girl with a little faith also taught me that God is not subject to science. He didn't need a cycle to create Adam and Eve and he didn't need a cycle to create my precious boys!
I am still learning from this miracle as I type. Next year we will celebrate my oldest son's 11th birthday. In all of my years of writing, I have never written about this amazing part of my personal story. Why not? I am sad to say because over time, I have heard more and more stories about women struggling with infertility and thought my miracle was some how diminished because it happened quicker. I began to discount what God had done as I compared it to other people's struggle.
I can not say enough how important it is to write down what God has done, and when He speaks to your heart. No one can truly write your story but you. How silly would it have been for stories in the Bible of people being raised from the dead to have been left out simply because they heard Lazaurus' story and that he was dead for 3 days instead of one? Their miracle was no less supernatural or powerful. Comparison, even among miracles is a scary place, especially with a God who tends not to do things the same way twice.
The Bible says God's answers are yes and amen, but our faith is activated when we realize that our miracle will never look just like those of others. I love that God is so personable that He works things for our good in a way that will be just for us
Kendra is a friend of ours and an incredible woman of God. She's sincere, spunky, and seriously in love with our Savior. Not to mention- incredibly talented. If her story blessed you, please consider checking out her book! You can get it in paperback or kindle edition.