Gateway friend, welcome to your private link. We are here for you.
We are so sorry.
We wish we could hug you, cry with you, and pray with you at our kitchen table.
We experienced 3 miscarriages during our season of delayed fertility, and we can tell you from experience that God heals! We believe as you submit this pain to Him, He will heal your heart, restore and redeem!
We were blessed to have our Gateway Family supporting us during all 3 of our miscarriages, and we are here for you now! You will get through this! The cross has the final word!
- Billy and Lauren Bourne
Infant Loss & Miscarriage
SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND RESOURCES
Billy and Lauren Bourne, Founders of I Am Fruitful, have partnered with Gateway Church to provide resources for you during this difficult time.
We're glad you're here, but we're sorry you have to be. Thinking about losing an infant makes my stomach turn, and we've personally been through three miscarriages that rocked us to the core and shook our faith. So this is coming from my perspective and my story. Yours will be different. But what I learned during that difficult time was that God never leaves us, and He will heal every area of our hearts if we let Him. I truly hope this collection of resources encourages and uplifts you, helps you process through your loss, and reminds you to focus on the Lord during this time.
Get to know us HERE. Learn about our vision HERE.
We have a Prayer Team (made up of about 10 Gateway women) who wants to come alongside to support you and lift you up in prayer. If you would like for us to pray, please SUBMIT YOUR REQUEST HERE.
Tips for Getting Through Loss
- Allow yourself to grieve. Miscarriage is downplayed so much in our culture and because of this, we can feel ashamed for grieving (since, after all, "it's no big deal"). It IS a big deal. Grieve. And if you have lost an infant that you have held in your arms- you HAVE to grieve. You've suffered a tremendous loss. The most horrible loss. Don't allow anyone to make you feel like it's stupid, dramatic, or ridiculous to be hurting, crying, and grieving.
- Don't rush your grief or put a time frame on it.
- Try not to compare your grief, sadness, spouse, or situation with anyone else's. Comparison is dangerous business. Your situation is not exactly like anyone else's... your healing won't be either.
- Seek help from a counselor, doctor, or mental health professional if you need it! There's NO shame in this! In fact, I commend you, dear friend!
- Let this struggle bring you closer to your spouse and not push you away. Communicate! Tell him what you need, specifically. Need to scream your lungs out on a roller coaster? Let him know you need a date night. If you want to be held, he may not know that. Need to be alone and cry? Don't be afraid to tell him.
- Receive support from friends and family. When they offer, say yes. If they ask what you need, give them ideas. Even if it's doing your laundry or bringing you Starbucks.
- Don't lose hope in God or your promise!! God is good, and He is faithful! There are plenty of resources for this below... just keep scrolling...
Scriptures to Look Up
- Psalm 9:9-10
- Psalm 23 & 25
- Psalm 27:1, 14
- Psalm 91 & 112
- Deut 20:3-4
- Isaiah 43:18-19
- Isaiah 61
- Matthew 5:4
- Romans 8
Remind Yourself Who God Is
God is faithful and Holy. God is your Redeemer. God is merciful. God is your refuge and rock. He's your shield and your strength. God is your help. The Bible says He fights our battles for us! God is the One who comforts you. He's righteous. He's full of compassion. God is GOOD, and He will be good in your situation and your life.
I Am Fruitful Resources
THE BOURNE'S STORY OF LOSS
M is for Miscarriage (Lauren shares)
L is for Loss (Lauren shares)
Podcast Episode about Tough Questions Surrounding Loss (with/ Christy of Pregnancy Loss Journey)
Podcast Interview with tips & our story (with Stefanie of Holistic Fertility & Wellness)
STORIES OF GOD'S FAITHFULNESS THROUGH LOSS
Processing Grief and Asking God TOUGH Questions
Don't be afraid to ask the Lord tough questions. I promise you He has the answers. And He will speak to you! He'll show up for you. His Word says to seek and keep seeking, knock and keep knocking! Ask and keep asking! And that if we do, we'll find Him and He'll answer us.
Here are a few questions to ask the Lord in your processing time:
- Where were you when this happened?
- Did you cause this?
- Am I still a Mom/Dad?
- Will I ever feel better?
- Who are you in this situation?
- How do you want me to move forward today?
- Is there hope for my future?
- What do you want to do in our marriage through this?
*I suggest turning on worship music, getting alone with the Lord and your Bible, and taking this one question at a time. Don't limit yourself to this list. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you about your hurts, questions, anger, sadness, and pain... and allow Him to begin to heal your heart.
To hear what the Lord said to me (Lauren) about some of these questions, LISTEN HERE.
Scriptures for Quick Reference
Psalms 23:4 MSG
Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure.
Isaiah 43:2-4 MSG
"Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you."
Psalm 126:5 NLT
"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy." Verses 5-6 in the Message version– "So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest; So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing."
Psalm 56:3 NASB
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You."
Isaiah 41:10 NLT
"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
Isaiah 41:13 MSG
"That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’"
Deuteronomy 31:6 MSG
"Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you."
2 Timothy 1:7 AMP
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]."
1 John 4:18 AMP
"There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love]."
Psalm 46:1-3 MSG
"God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake, Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains. Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, God-of-Angel-Armies protects us."
Watch this video to see our heart behind Joy Comes in the Morning: Coloring Through Infant Loss & Miscarriage.