He Never Left Us

- Deanie Christy -

Tommy and I fell in love in high school. We went to prom and college together. We got married shortly after college. We always said we would wait 5 years to start a family because we were so young and wanted to experience life together before kids. We had so much fun traveling and starting our careers in those first 5 years. Right after my 25th birthday we decided to start trying for a family.

We had NO idea how hard we would have to try.

Just a few months in, I became frustrated and felt as if I would never get pregnant. We tried to "relax" because everyone says it can take up to a year to conceive. After about 11 months I was beyond frustrated and fed up with my body. We saw my doctor and preliminary tests checked out fine. She tried a couple of medications and we just knew we would get pregnant that month, but we didn’t. We didn’t get pregnant the next year either.

I was finally ready to face my fears and see a specialist after a year and a half of trying. We received great news that both of us were healthy and they found no problems. We received the daunting diagnosis of "unexplained infertility." This is where the hopelessness really set in and I was obsessed with getting pregnant. We changed our diet, tried supplements and shakes, acupuncture and chiropractic care. Trying all of these things made me feel even more hopeless. We have known the Lord since we were young, but by this time we were both pretty angry with God. I became bitter and sad and very jealous of other people’s pregnancies. After another year of the desperation we decided to try IUI which resulted in a pregnancy and an early miscarriage.

We were heartbroken and felt like God had left us.

The following month we conceived without fertility treatments. We couldn’t believe it! But from the start of the pregnancy we had complications. The baby wasn’t growing on target and I had a bleed in my uterus that may or may not harm the baby.

We lost the baby just shy of 10 weeks. This was our breaking point.

We really grieved our losses at this point and I became stuck in my grief. A few months later we started trying to pick up the broken pieces of our life and our relationship with God. This is where we found Lauren and Billy and their ministry! Their ministry, I am Fruitful, helped us out of a very dark time and gave us hope! We began to really seek the Lord for our family. God began to heal our hearts and helped us feel peace about the babies we lost.

Fast forward a few more months and it was the New Year for 2016. We had such hope for this year for our family. We chose a scripture for the year-Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

We had just learned a very important truth: God had never left us and even though we weren’t pregnant God was still good. We decided to try IUI again.

We took this picture after our procedure. We were so full of hope and really scared. Even though we were scared we kept praying Joshua 1:9 over our lives.

Two weeks after my procedure a nurse called with news that I was pregnant, but I was probably going to miscarry.

She said she didn’t want to give me false hope.

When you first become pregnant your blood levels should be over 5, but for a healthy pregnancy the doctors want your numbers to be between 50 and 100. My level was 12. This all felt very familiar and we thought, "Here we go again." We spent the weekend being upset and afraid, but we decided to ask our friends and family to pray for us and our baby. Lauren and Billy invited us into their home and prayed with us and believed in life with us for our baby.

We decided to have faith even though we had everything to lose.

I went to the doctor the next day and my blood levels were in the 100s! I was pregnant!

We had to go back for a few more blood draws until my doctor felt comfortable. At 7 weeks we heard our sweet baby’s heartbeat. It was music to our ears. The doctor also found another bleed in my uterus and "here we go again." We prayed and prayed and prayed for our baby and our friends and family prayed and prayed and prayed for our baby. The specialist finally released us to the care of my doctor and by 19 weeks the bleed was gone!

This is our son at 7 weeks. He was already so much more than a blob of cells. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
— Psalms 139:13-16

I have had a healthy pregnancy, but we have also had a few bumps along the way and have really had to put our trust in the Lord for our baby’s life. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, our miracle baby boy is due on October 7th. We are just days away from meeting him! The other day I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and started crying because I thought I would never carry a baby to full term and experience having a child of my own.

If you are struggling with starting your family or with loss I want to encourage you to really put your trust in the Lord. If he has given you the desire to carry a child don’t lose hope. And don’t stop praying. Don’t ever stop praying for your family!

Lauren here! It has been such a blessing getting to know this sweet family and seeing them grow and change. I remember praying for them and crying with them that night in my living room. I remember how easily I related with Deanie because Billy and I had been through almost exactly the same thing. A second pregnancy with another set of low numbers. Ours ended in another miscarriage. The fear, the tears, the hurt, the hope.

But through it all, God is faithful, and He never leaves us.

It's hard to have true hope BEFORE the miracle. Not worldly hope. Real hope. God's hope. I love how Billy Johnson defines it as "the joyful anticipation of good." Tommy and Deanie truly walked this out through the most difficult of circumstances. When fear could have crippled them, they chose to hope. They joyfully anticipated their son.

We serve a redeeming Father, and I'm going to be lining up to see Tommy and Deanie's little rainbow baby in a couple weeks.

Because his story is one of redemption, hope, and God's faithfulness.