A poem from a daddy after miscarriage

My husband, Billy, wrote this poem after our first miscarriage with our son, Levi. I can't imagine a more appropriate time to share this poem, as we launch Joy Comes in the Morning: Coloring Through Infant Loss & Miscarriage in 2 days. 

Miscarriage is HARD for the moms. But it's hard for the dad's too! I hope this blesses a hurting daddy today.

To Levi by Billy Bourne

There's no direction for my emotion

I'm confused on what to feel...

A hurt without a name 

But, a hurt I can't conceal.

 

You’ll never see a day begin

A life without a breath

Innocence that knows no sin

My wife's spirit without rest

 

I'll never recognize your mother

Behind the smiles of your eye

I know you only by your heartbeat

And by your name - Levi

 

 Your eyes will never open

 Your hands will never hold

 Your lips will never kiss

 Your story never told

 

You will never say you love me

I'll never see you wed

I'll never make you pancakes

Or carry you to bed

 

 I'll never make you laugh

 I'll never let you win

 I'll never pick you up

 I'll never tuck you in

 

I'll never hold you in my arms

I'll never hear you cry

I'm blind to see your face

There's no answer to the - why?

 

So I sat down with the lord

And asked him to help me see

Why he would let this happen

Here's what he said to me:

 

Like a son that I've created

Who never knew me while on earth

Eternal separation from me    

Like your son without his birth

 

They will never know my love

Or who I created them to be

Lost forever and unknown

Their true identity a mystery

 

But, my grace is SO sufficient

Your broken heart I clearly see

But on the day you see my face

You'll see Levi standing next to me

 

I'll be your voice, I'll be your dad

And I'll love and pray for you

Until the day I see the Father

And the first day I see you

- Billy Bourne -